So unlike my amphibious brother, I was not born with a useful metabolism. I’ve been 5’5 since 1999 but at one point I weighed up to 130lbs. For the past few years I’ve been at an average of 120, a feat I feel deserves just as much recognition as weight loss. The will power and dedication to maintenance is too often overshadowed by the “Biggest Loser” style stories of sacrifice and struggle.
Which is why I did not even hesitate tonight when I walked into the grocery story, by myself, at 7:30 at night, bought a single pint of ice cream, paid cash, and walked out with no bag. The cashier gave me a look that was both judgmental and envious. That’s right, the skinny girl is going to go eat all of this in one sitting. Why should I be bashful about this? When I put on my size 3 jeggings in the morning, they’re still going to fit loose. I work hard to have the right to splurge. Want to know how much my two hour, 13’08” per mile jog burned on Saturday? 1251 calories. I know girls for whom that’s their entire intake for the day. My typical daily work out still averages between 300-500 calories, plus I work a physically strenuous job. So my caloric needs are usually around 2500 a day to maintain. At 5’5 and 118lbs, that’s a lot of food. Most of it comes lean proteins and vegetable fats but at least once a week I like a day to live like Hedonism-bot. Even on a daily basis you gotta leave a little wiggle room to have fun, but it’s still important to be mindful of what you’re eating. My new favorite trick is to cut up a bunch of apples, put them in a single serving sized baking dish, mix a little honey or peanut butter, top with granola and cook for 10 mins. It’s easier than baking a whole damn pie, but tastes more like on than one of those silly yogurts.
That’s why it burns me up so much when I hear people say “Go eat a cheeseburger”. I do eat the cheeseburger, and the fries, and the beer, and hell probably some cookies if they’re around. I’m also in the healthy BMI range and I make sure I stay there, the body does require some fat otherwise you’re one flu away from disaster. It’s also very annoying when my less fit friends dismiss me as “having it easy”. No, I work fucking hard to be this fit and if you stop focusing on things that are out of bounds you can be too. I’m going to complain about having trouble keeping up with the amount of food I need to eat. I am going to be frustrated when my favorite little black dress no longer fits because it’s too big. And you know what, yes big girls I am sure the back pain from a DD must be awful but at least you can find bras that fit just about anywhere.
I am also going to continue to enjoy eating massive meals in public, knowing that somewhere on the other side of the room there is a girl that’s going hungry by choice. I know, I’m a terrible person, but I get such schadenfreude from catching the eye of an jealous dieter. There’s a very wrong sense of satisfaction in being an object of envy. But I’ve earned it. I may not have conquered a personal mountain of weight loss to get where I am today but I am running the ultra race of balance that takes just as much perseverance and dedication and I think that’s worth something. So skinny girls, be proud! And to those still overcoming their mountains, don’t worry you’ll have bragging rights soon enough.