Nobody Sparks a Flame War like Gaston

So let’s get one thing and one thing only straight. If you have an opinion, it is your right to express it not your job.

Ok let’s start simple. How about the case of the Exploding Gaston? Is it tragic that over the weekend a family and group of friends lost someone they consider close? Yes. Is it kinda funny someone who was known for playing an idiot, chauvinistic jock died in a manner similar to his character? Yeah it totally is. Everything else is fashion. If you had anything to say on the matter and made it your Facebook status, you are just trying to prove your identity to everyone. The hell raisers and matrons alike are wasting away the internet just trying to shout each other out.

To everyone making fun of this guy, hey I’m right there with you. You don’t put an explosive on your head, I feel like they teach that kind of stuff in kindergarten. I have absolutely no sympathy for this Darwin award winner, or his idiot friends that “accidentally” lit the fuse. Sorry not sorry, when you gamble with your life for such low stakes you get what you deserve. I definitely made jokes. To my friends. In the privacy of my own home. Where I knew no grieving family might accidentally hear what I had to say. It’s important to laugh at death and it’s important to remember the folly of anyone who is willfully oblivious to *danger, he died from carelessness. But going on to a public forum and openly mocking this man is in really really poor taste. I get it, you want to prove you’re smarter than him, that you’re really really funny, and you want your friends to know you’re not afraid to make light of any subject. You’re just trying to prove your identity. I’ve heard some very funny jokes on the matter of death and I’ve heard some rather impolite ones. And to be fair, this is exactly the type of humor that is encouraged on late night talk shows and those awful Worst Most Blanketiest Blanks clip shows. Y’all know you’re using the language of bullies when you make fun of the tragic misfortune of others. I’m not saying I’m for or against that, I just want us to all be aware that this is why we have a bulling problem. You know that right? That we’re all bullies, every time we gossip, every time we talk trash, every time some one’s worst day is a belly laugh to you. I just wanted to make sure we got that clear so we can stop wasting time pointing fingers and just fix the damn problem.

To everyone running in to champion for this man, to remind us all he has a grieving family and his friends are probably scarred for life, please just stop. Or say what you really mean, “Hey, look at me and how much better I am than the rest of you. Please notice how much I care about others and the personal causes I deem most worthy of my esteemed blessings.” If you really give two halves of a dying rat’s left nut about what these people are going through, then give them money. Doesn’t have to be yours, get other people to give them money. They don’t give a fuck about your sympathy. I mean, yes in the sense that if the bullies are on Facebook, it’ll be nice for them to see that someone at least has something nice to say about their idiot friend, but realistically if you didn’t know them personally then you’re just talking to be heard. What if this was god’s will? For whatever reason this was this kid’s time to go and it just so happened to be in rather ironic fashion. You know what a family dealing with an unexpected death needs from strangers more than their pity? Fucking money. Even in death we can’t escape the capitalist noose. Gone are the days of going out to the country to bury someone on top of a hill under an oak tree. Do you realize how much a funeral costs? I’ve seen a casket that cost more than my entire college tuition, and I went to Full Sail! Nobody was prepared for this adult’s death. You think he had life insurance? Maybe they could use some help, like someone getting their groceries while they’re in bereavement. So if you want to prove to others that you are a kind, compassionate, then do something kind and compassionate. Start a campaign to raise awareness that you’re not supposed to put fireworks on your head, I guess.

Also if you’re offended by either of these people, nut up AND shut up. Yeah I get it, they have an opinion and you want one too. The noise being made by these two warring parties is bad enough, to chime into just to say that you don’t like what others are saying kind of shows your hand that you have nothing better to say. Actually it’s that you have nothing at all to say. There are no winners in a flame war, kids.

Death is unavoidable and we all deal with it in our own way. Some of us ignore him until it’s too late. Some will go running to him with open arms. Those who live selfishly or ignorantly will speak of Death as some scary monster to be extinguished. Some do not believe in Death at all and will openly mock the poor reaper until the day he stands outside their door. I say treat Death like an old friend who is just doing his job. Hold man accountable for his actions and let the Gods sort out who goes to which hell. What is avoidable is looking like a douchebag. Next time you have an opinion about something that just happened, sit on it for a few days. Maybe do a little research or something. Don’t say just to say something. Even better, do something. Do anything other than litter social media networks with a bunch of regurgitated nonsense. Whatever you do, don’t get butt-hurt because someone dares thought differently from you.

(PS I did not mean to make the title a pun, but I’m pretty proud of myself for it.)


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