oct twenty ninth

You know, if I could have my way, I would never work a job again and neither my husband. We’d be free to go on our zany adventures and go where the moment takes us. I’m the absolute happiest and at ease when it’s just him and me out in the world on a mission. He makes me laugh, he distracts me from anxiety triggers, he keeps me on target. He’s kinda like a helper monkey. I often find I experience the most stress when I can’t be with him. It’s like I need him around to keep me sane, to anchor me.

I don’t really know what else I want to write about tonight, but I haven’t really written in a while. Slow progress is better than none. I had a really good day today. It was a good morning, I got to be helpful and entertaining, people around me were in good moods, traffic was a breeze, work flew by, spent lunch with Jack and some old friends, I got some housework I’ve been putting off done, and my Pandora has been on point. It’s that time of year that makes it real easy to be in a good mood, I went for a walk around my neighborhood and kids were playing in their driveways, men mowed their lawns or worked on cars, women walked little froo-froo dogs. It was the kind of day that makes you remember that it does get better, that not every day will be a dark and stormy one.

Some of us are not exactly masters of destiny. I, for one, have often left my fate to chance and have inexplicably survived many gambles with death and harm. But going with the flow has always worked for me in the end. Work comes up when it’s time to refill my bank account, an overbooked dorm means a paid stay in a beach front Ft. Lauderdale hotel for my first two weeks of college, running late almost always puts me in the right place at the right time. I may be an instrument of fate but at least I’m taken care of, some are not so lucky. I suppose I should be more careful, plan a little bit more ahead than a week at a time. I’m sure it would be a great help in reducing anxiety by knowing my safety bubble is at least three month out, not  a week. But luck comes through every week.

A song came on my Pandora today that didn’t really fit the station but I loved it and hit thumbs up before I’d thought about that. It almost ruined my day but then I got two songs I loved in a row so I wasn’t too bothered. Sometimes I think Pandora can read my mind and suss out what vibe I need. It’s like a personal dj/therapist.

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