december the fourteenth

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I have gotten really bad at keeping up. I promise I’ve been writing every day, and it was time to keep some of it private. I spent last year asking questions. This year I’ve been getting the answers but it took half the year for

me to realize I needed to be quiet if I wanted to hear them.

This year has been hard on everyone for many different  reasons. I think there was no escaping that it was a year of difficulty. The near constant slew of tragedy and loss was almost too much to bare. By the end I’ve stopped being shocked. It wouldn’t be twenty sixteen without one more bomb. I think we’re all ready to close the book on this year and start over.

But it won’t be a number on the calendar that makes the difference. It isn’t about where we are in our path around the sun. It’s what you choose to happen in your life that makes it a new year. Otherwise you’re just repeating the same history over and over.

I’m grateful for the amazing things that have happened in my life this year. I took on a lot of responsibility and I took on positions of leadership. Whether or not I was ready for those things is a matter for the historians because it’s in the past. I can’t sit and fret about the things I wish I would have done better. The only option now is it be certain I do them the next time the opportunity arises. I took a first step toward something I’ve been wanting to accomplish at work for a long time but never started because I feared I wasn’t good enough. I got a dog, something I’ve been fearing because I didn’t want to be proven irresponsible. I wrote anddirected a show that was performed in highly competitive realm, something that terrified me and I had never really meant to do in the first place. From all these things I have learned a lot about the person I am, the person I’ve been, and the person I’m becoming.

Change is inevitable. Even in death, our spirit transcends and our bodies decay. Embracing and accepting change is the only way we may have any control over it. Control may be the wrong word. Influence would be a better choice. There is no control, only influence. Somethings are more susceptible to influence but, ultimately, if a thing is meant to happen, it’s going to happen. And all we can do is learn for next time.

This past year certainly has had a feeling of being pulled back. I firmly believe that in the next year, we are all capable of accomplishing incredible things. We have access and resources to do what was once impossible. Now we must actively choose to do those things. It’s as simply as making the choice to get off the couch and go for a walk. Choosing to take a risk and trusting that the people who truly matter will support you and love you no matter what. I can choose what I let have control over my emotional state. I can choose to have faith. I encourage you, if you want change, to choose to participate in the local community. I challenge you to choose to not agonize and focus on the failures of others. That word “choose” is what I repeat to myself when I hear Anxiety or Fear try to take control. When I can’t trust what’s happening in my head I remember that I steer the ship and I can choose to move my body and make it do whatever I damn well please. I can choose to get up and walk away, I can choose how much time I really want to spend staring at glowing screens. I can choose to be subject to my surroundings and my environment or I can choose to get up and do something about it. And that is what aiming is.

 

 

 

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