Internet Friends

this may be a weird concept, but I miss having internet friends. I had the most rewarding and genuine friendships when I was a teenager with people I primarily interacted with online. People who shared the same passion for a music group or people who frequented the same forums and chatrooms as me. I feel like with Facebook’s conquest of the internet, and my own distaste of what the internet was becoming, I lost contact with those people and a good portion of my “social” life. The lines between internet friends and IRL friends became messy and suddenly the person I could be online (free from all social anxiety) was disrupted by the intrusion of people from my real life. I couldn’t quite express myself how I felt because suddenly people in the physical world could judge me on the things that I didn’t necessarily feel comfortable sharing with them. I think in this new world of constant and invasive communication I feel more cut off from my tribe than ever. What was once a relatively quiet place that I could escape to and be with the slim group I consider like minded, intellectual peers is now flooded with the whole damn world. I don’t know where to find my internet friends. Those that stayed on the net are still out there I’m sure, communicating on reddit and the likes but I feel almost intimidated now to jump back in and say “hey, I’m one of you.” I wonder how many felt like me, disconnected, and fell away from the net’verse. I had tribe once. We all met at a common space called myspace. We gathered to tell each other stories on livejournal. Some of us hosted webrings and brought the tribes together. They’re all out there together, going to cons and feeling relieved to be around the people who know them better than anyone back home. One day I’ll find them again, but I missed out when I said I had to leave. I couldn’t stay, I couldn’t keep up. There was too much changing, too many of these alien “millennials”. And now they’re saying I’m one of them? I don’t know, maybe I am. I just left the twenties and now when I look to those who are the twenty year olds now and I worry. I don’t think they’re bad, I think they are the children of the generation that has lost touched with what it was once like to be an animal. They are the generation that have not known war in the way that generations before have. Many of them do not have grandparents that remember the great depression. They haven’t had to learn basic survival skills. They were handed a plateful of empty promises. The even younger ones are coming from parents even less prepared for this world than them. They are all growing up in a time of rapid social change and unimaginable technology. Honestly, you can draw a line in the millennial generation if you want a real sampling of the demographic. That line is 9/11. Before the events of that day, I do not remember the world being such a dangerous place. I didn’t know there were so many villains to lookout for. I was 10 years old going into chatrooms and it was a kind and friendly place. Now they’re just shouting matches. Now you have to worry about everything you put out there, everything can be used against you. And I remember a life where you weren’t bombarded by advertising in such an unavoidable fashion. I dunno, I feel like I look at kids younger than me and feel protective of them. They’re all doing the best they can, failed by a world that could never have expected things to be the way they are now, despite all the warnings the writers and scientists tried to give us.
Does every generation go through these growing pains? Do we all look to the new youth and worry that they won’t have it as good as you did? I want to live a life where I can feel safe letting my kids wander for hours on a hot summer day and not worry about them. Is that something I’ll have to just come to terms with myself and undo the fear programing that has infiltrated our culture. I say now that if I give them with the skills and knowledge they need that they’ll be able to take care of themselves, but what if I don’t prepare them for everything. I want to be a part of the generation that makes up for the failed parenting techniques that have brought us the world as it is today. I want to be part of the movement that will be society self correcting and adapting for the new world, one that is interconnected and every line is blurred. There cannot be enemies if there are no borders and my friends, that time has come. We’ve run out of space, run out of places to steal, run out of excuses to conquer and divide. We’ve fought too many wars to end all wars. I want to teach my kids ancient knowledge and primitive truths. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense that the way we think we have to live is the problem. The more we cling to the idea that money is real and necessary, the harder it is going to be to continue a free and just world. People who do not have something will always fight for something others have. Putting a “value” to that object will never change that. There was theft in barter cultures. There was still war in among people who did not believe in the ownership of land.
Maybe this is material for a whole other post, but why can’t people just do what they like and other people do what they like and we let that be currency. The people who want to farm grow the food, people who just want to make the food make it, and those who want to build can build for the people who people who make and grow the food and those who only want to eat can clean the dishes when everyone’s done. Why do we have to live in lots of different houses, only to leave them empty much of the time so we can go to other people’s houses? Why can’t I live in a big house or farm with some of my immediate family, another couple or two of child bearing age and maybe a few other friends who are happy to be a part of the family unit as “uncle” “sister” “cousin”? Because it’s weird? I don’t know about you but that seems damn efficient. I have a friend who isn’t interested in being a parent herself but loves kids and loves being a special part of a child’s life, and I know another couple with a young child. Wouldn’t this be a dream, which ever of the five adults wants to can be the one to get the kids up and ready for school in the morning, while the others can sleep in or get ready for work in peace, or take care of the animals. Then some adults can go to work, others can do the chores of house keeping or farming, and another is there to be in charge of the children’s needs for the day. What a crazy hippy idea that is! No, fuck you. It’s tribalism and it’s how we naturally want to live as humans. The fact we don’t live like this in America is why we’re fucked as a culture. We just keep growing more and more isolationist with each new generation. We are force-fed consumerism, lied to that capitalist democracy is our only salvation. I’m tired of trying to live like a Victorian rich bitch. Shit, what was I talking about again?
you know what, nm.
Also, I’m not formatting this. You guys are getting my thoughts, raw and uncut. Enjoy.

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