Musings at Sundown

Here I sit, staring at a blank page again. I’ve come to write, but what I don’t know. The painter has it easy. He can just start with some random strokes and see where it goes from there. Me? If I don’t start with an end in mind, then I’m stuck rambling till I stumble on to a story.

I have this word floating around in my mind. Offworlder. I want to use it. I want to attach meaning to it. I want others to recognize that meaning. No I want them to identify with that meaning.

Because I know I’m not the only one out there. That feels like this world isn’t quite their’s. We belong to a different place, different time maybe but can never feel quite satisfied in the current moment.

I think I’ll tell a story about a general who had come to this time of abundance and comfort to rest. Picked this moment specifically to lay down the tools of war and pass the time in peace. But the inhabitants of this time and place are all so disrupted. Anxiety, fear, stress, it’s all we ever think about. “Don’t you people realize you are what you think? If you think you’re anxious, then you are anxious!” in impotent rage.

Instead I think I’ll laugh happily and silently while I watch the dog try to get the cat to play by chasing her with a stick. This animal, as sweet and loving and empathetic as he can be, obviously does not possess the ability to think from another’s perspective. Neither does the cat. That trait along is what make the human species unique and alone. We are all so painfully alone.


At work, I was given a Mac book to use for my official computer. I have avoided using mac products since the domination of the iPhone became evident. I have resisted not due to dislike of the product or specific preference of the other. They are all ultimately the same. However, I do not believe in conformity and I will avoid it at all costs.

On the first day, I was on a deadline to finish a project and I didn’t have the patience to let learning a new system interrupt the flow I already had going. So I put it under my PC laptop and raise it up. The second day I made it a point to use it, to get the hang of it. I didn’t have all that much though that needed to get done so I really got the hang of web browsing. The past few days I’ve been using it exclusively, to the neglect of my Windows products at home. Now here I sit at home, writing for the pleasure of it and letting my fingers fly mindlessly over the keyboard, the skills of typing having been ingrained in me from such a young age that it exists in my mind like choreography. Each word is a box step, every commonly used sentence a well rehearsed tango. But my short cut keys. Copy and paste. Alt tab. Ctrl arrow. I keep stumbling, tripping on these once fluent movements.

The Mac.

I’m using the Mac hotkeys. The all powerful command button on the Mac keyboard is where my handy Alt button is on the PC. If it were the Ctrl button, this would be nothing, the buttons are analagous. But swapping Alt for a Command? This is subversion. There was no need to switch these! No efficiency gained.

Then I start to ponder, who actually did it first. Which standard of keyboard had been designed first? Is there some sort of patent matter that prevented the keyboards from being the exact same?

Maybe it was done to keep people from being able to jump ship so readily. Maybe the people who swear their iPhone is the best product on the market and refuse to ever stray from their beloved brand are simply brainwashed. They’ve tried other devices, but because there are slight, almost unnoticeable differences that would make an initial usage of an alternative product cumbersome and frustrating. That brief interaction can leave a lasting impression that the other product is somehow inferior because it lack’s the familiar product’s ease of use. Oh those subtle bastards.


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