It’s ok that you’re getting kinda fat right now. I know I know, it could be better but it could also be worse. You’re fearful of ever straying five pounds one way or the other and that has a lot to do with expectations. Expectations that you hold others to, expectations you hold yourself to. You worry you will be betraying all the promises you’ve made to yourself and falling guilty to all the judgements you’ve made of others. But hey, it’s ok, really. You have permission to change, even if you don’t necessarily like that change, because you have to adapt to current situations. If you expected to stay the same, then you could never grow. Do not let self perception drag down your pride and confidence just because the physical image doesn’t meet the ideal preference; deep down we know we determine how we see ourselves.
It’s ok that you’re getting kinda fat right now. You don’t work out 4 hours a day anymore, nor do you eat perfectly proportioned, well balanced meals every single day. You’re not single and living with people who are also health nuts anymore, life is too complicated for that regimen now.
It’s ok that you’re getting kinda fat right now. It’s 7 days before your period starts and we go through this panic every month where I have to remind you that you’re not getting fat, that it’s just water weight and bloat.
It’s ok that you’re getting kinda fat right now. You’ve taken a dramatic change in lifestyle that is far more sedentary and extremely less physical. You’re not going to burn through calories just by living any more.
It’s ok that you’re getting kinda fat right now. You’ve been sleeping poorly, irregularly, and never quite enough. That happens when you work a varying schedule and so does your husband and you both also share a full size bed with an 80lb dog.
What’s not ok is beating yourself up over it. What’s not ok is thinking you’re a failure because you are not the living example of perfect health. What’s not ok is to train really really hard then completely gorge yourself under the excuse “it’s cheat day”
Time for some real talk. One day you’ll be an expectant mother and undergo some extreme body changes and good luck trying to fit a whole baby under those tightly toned abs. We are going to get over this attachment to physical image because I’m not going to put up with any of this “I’m fat” nonsense. No, you’re pregnant. After that you’ll have a mom body because you spend more time focusing on your family then on yourself. What’s important now is that we just keep incorporating an active lifestyle and reasonable eating habits into our new way of life. What’s important is finding what you need and then letting your husband know how he can help you. Sometimes food isn’t the best way to show love, even if it is an extra helping of macaroni or a smores quesadilla. If I want to have a family and advance my career and pursue my creative passion and also make more time for my friends then I’m going to have to accept that there isn’t time enough for everything.
What’s important is I stay strong enough to do my job, energetic enough to support my family, and calm enough to be the leader I aspire to be. There’s enough stress coming in from the world, why should I generate my own because I no longer look like a fitness model. I enjoy exercise and I will not have you making it into some sort of chore or punishment. I want to be healthy and that comes in all kinds of sizes and flavors.
(PS: Also, don’t be mad when you put off working out or sleeping or meal prepping or chores or anything like because you “got caught up writing”. When the muse comes, you have to listen. But now, go run, because it’s good for you.)